Excerpts From An Email Sent to My Supervisor Concerning A Meeting With A Spiritual Teacher

Extremely purple. Purple dress, purple sun hat, purple shawl, with a crystal necklace as big as your fist. It was everything I could do to not run screaming, "God help me!" We sat. She took out her book and handed it to me. The foreword is by Dr. Joyce Brothers.

There are celebrity endorsements. There is a gold award sticker on the lower right corner. It is a literary award I do not recognize.

She knows Desmond Tutu. Desmond Tutu has written the forewords to her next three books. These books remain unwritten.

She had a medical injury, lost the ability to walk and was housebound for 8 years. She disappeared from public life. She had a miraculous healing. A woman saw her energy paths then used her "glowing" hands to heal her. "It was like she had LED lights embedded in her palms. We only get a Seer like that once every thousand years. I was lucky to have met her. Of course, there is no luck." The Seer happened to be eating at the same restaurant. "This is not a coincidence."

Now upright she is preparing to re-enter "the world." She had a series of dreams about me. She is supposed to meet with me. That is what the meaning of the dreams. She says she knows how to help people in hell. She says she knows how to cultivate compassion in others. I did not know what to make of her. She spent a lot of time staring at me with an intentional "spiritual" gaze. She closed her eyes a lot and fell into silences...I felt like she was trying to show me her magic powers. I am immune to magic powers.

She understands all the energy meridians and has seen them glowing on people. She ordered double bacon on her Cobb salad. She told me stories of hanging out with Tutu. She drank beer with her salad. She touched my hand and tried to stare into my eyes while I chewed my hamburger. I intentionally allowed the ketchup and onions to drip from my mouth. I am not in the practice of returning spiritual gazes. She told me a baby at the next table was very attracted to her. She implied that the baby noticed her "energy," and was naturally attracted. When the baby crawled toward our table I made faces at the baby, causing the baby to come to me. I then gave her a look that said, "Now who has the baby power." She was impressed by this. I think she took it as a sign.

She says she is working with mathematicians to create formulas for grace, for example: "The grace you give to others is the grace you allow yourself. That is a mathematical truth."

The waiter asked to meet with her after lunch to talk about his divorce. She spent thirty minutes telling me her theory of resentment and how to heal it. The points of the teaching spell R.E.A.P. I hung a piece of lettuce from my beard while she told me the teaching. I did this to ward off her spell. It worked.

She told me her daughter died at a young age, caused by the arrogance of doctors. She told me she feels resentment 15 times a day and now heals it within minutes each time it arises. She told me it's like knowing how to drive home.

She told me she once watched Desmond go from hatred to compassion in 30 seconds.

She wants to meet with Frank. I want Frank to meet with her...particularly during a time when I am not available.

I don't know what to make of any of this. I am sending the lunch check to you for reimbursement.

Some Possible Tarot Cards

The Bibliomancer
The Totally Awesome Boots
The Trained Bear
Last Chance for Gas
What is Unprovable
The Abandoned Well
Leonard Nimoy
The Ad Man
The Personal Best
The Non-Apology
A Familiar Snowflake
Fatigue
The Indelible Yen
The Man with a Theory
The False Memory
The Stutterer
The Distance Swimmer
Competence
Love as an Adjective
Lady Lazarus
The Map of Sand
Awakened by Touch
Smile Lines
Rye Whiskey
The Personal Shopper
The Mount of Olives
Who Would Notice?
The Doormat
Gotcher Nose
The Toe Ring
The Hep Cat
He Was Always Kind to Me
The Three-Legged Mutt
The Smell of Spring
The Ugly Poet
The Bullet Lodged Near the Heart
The Trivial Mistake
Say It!
Those Bastards
It Would Probably Be a Good Idea
The Charlatan
Calloused Hands
Ease

Girl and the Bear Part 4

One night, before mother had left them, a bear had come to their cabin. She remembered hearing her father yelling and the sound of breaking branches. Her mother had screamed, “Harley! Harley what is it!” Mother had pulled Grace into bed and flung a blanket over their heads. “Is it robbers?” She had asked, terrified. Her mother just held her tight and shook her head, “I don’t know…but I can’t take this much longer.” Later it quieted and her father had come in, lit the lamp, and then laughed at the two of them, clinging to each other beneath the blankets. “Boo!” he yelled, slapping his hands on the bed. They both screamed then her mother just fell apart--she wept at Grace's side with hair and hands twisted across her eyes. Her father looked pained when he pulled the blanket back, “It was just a bear dear. A harmless black bear. It was just as frightened as you.”

***

“Howdy,” a man in a green cap and matching green coat sauntered up from the park store. “How are you two this morning?”

“Fine,” her father replied. “We came to see the bear.”“Good for you! Did you camp here last night?”

“No, we’re local. Just over in Wagner creek.”

“Okay, then.” The man replied within genuine warmth, then kneeling beside Grace he said, “You ever seen a real bear?” Grace shook her head. “Well, whaddya think?”

Grace shrugged her shoulders. “He seems sad.”

The man laughed, “Sad? Naw! This bear’s as happy as can be. He gets plenty of food, lots of treats, and lots of admirers. No. I’d say this is the happiest bear you’ll ever meet.” The man winked at her father, patted her on the head, then stood up and left her to her own thoughts. “So. Wagner creek? You got fruit trees?”

She listened for a moment while her father told the story of the peaches he’d brought from Ohio and the damage they suffered and the difficult winter. Soon her attention turned back to the bear who was now on all four legs and turned so that its brown eyes met hers. She looked and noticed a thick shackle around one of its hind legs. The black iron band had worn the hair just above the bear’s ankle exposing a halo of smooth, pink, skin--like a human being. She looked up, and again the bear met her eyes and she felt immediately that the ranger was lying. This bear was sad. Deeply sad. She looked and looked and the bear looked back until both girl and bear were caught in each other’s gaze--Grace jumped when her father tapped her on the shoulder.

“Grace, we’re going over to look at a map. You want to come with me?” Grace shook her head. “Alright then. Don’t cross that rope line.” Her father reached into his pocket and pulled out the golden pear. “Here. Go ahead and eat this. I’ll be back in a moment.” Grace took the pear and held it up to her mouth. It smelled like leather and clover. She remembered the fall, when her father would bring home pears and her mother would bake them with butter and cinnamon.

She pressed the pear to her mouth when she suddenly noticed the bear standing, standing on its hind legs, standing with a front leg held out. For a timeless moment the bear stood, and the girl stood, looking at one another--the bear with its front leg outstretched, the girl with the pear to her lips, frozen in wonder at the upright beast. They stood and stared and stood and stared, each as silent as the pines. Then, without thinking, Grace stepped passed the rope, walked slowly toward the wild animal, and carefully set the pear onto its sharp, outstretched paw. The bear took the gift, lifted it to its mouth, and swallowed it with one wet swallow. It descended to four legs then stretched its big black snout until it reached Grace’s ear. Grace felt a hot billow of air across her cheek and then heard--heard in the deepest of voices, “Help me.”

Grace stepped back and looked at the large head, the fanged mouth, the redwood eyes, her whole body burning with wonder. There was a scream. A woman was screaming and pointing from somewhere in the trees, “Help! Help!” Grace looked intently at the woman trying to see what was troubling her, when she suddenly heard her father cry out in fear, “Grace! Grace! Get away from there! Run! Run!” A large rock flew through the air and struck the bear’s shoulder with a dull thud. The bear’s head jerked back, it bared its teeth and growled at the park ranger who now stood waving his arms, shouting for the bear’s attention at the roped perimeter. Then Grace felt her father’s arms knock violently against her waist as she was pulled from the ground. There were two men and a group of boys running toward them, rocks and sticks in their hands as her father scampered beneath the rope barrier. She heard the bear’s chain rattle taught as it pulled toward the human beings, growling and swinging its arms in helpless anger.